i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
