Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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