what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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