im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am one with the molecules
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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