Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
