doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
