but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
