dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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