last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
