Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
