I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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