I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
