Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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