tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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