my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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