so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
