I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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