Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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