It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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