I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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