I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize