There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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