I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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