We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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