i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
