I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
