i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
