My boss' voice literally gives me gas
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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