I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is Oprah even human
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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