It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
