Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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