You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my being single is dangerous.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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