So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
