If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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