I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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