i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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