JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
