I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
