and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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