I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
