Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
