Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
