My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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