My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
