Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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