So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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