Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
