Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is wine microwaveable?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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