Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
