I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
