We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
