Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
