I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
