all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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