my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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