We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
