it's like iHOP with fire
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
