He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
