remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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