shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
