rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
