There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize