I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
