So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
