I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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