Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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