Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
