so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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