and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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