you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
