I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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