Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
