Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
