ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
