barbara walters just said penis...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
