I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
