The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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